How Not To Fool Yourself (Or, Your Ghost)


Okay, let’s call it a day… this Vodka shot, while too wimpy to knock me out cold, still hit the spot. Just enough to take some edge off.”

Heather was half-listening, half-immersed in the thought of having one more. After all, it’s not often we break out the Svedka to celebrate. Most of the time it takes something monumental, something newsworthy like locking in a book contract (something that happened recently for Heather), for us to take the icy bottle out of the freezer.

Sometimes, however, we just don’t need a big excuse. Instead, the only thing nudging us along to desensitize our esophagus is something mundane like me finally cleaning out the leaf-soaked gutters or, as in the case of the early morning hours of August 13th, 2009, reveling in Konan’s exploits in his swimming class.

I’m feeling kind of anxious about something,” Heather finally responded, “but, yeah, Big Bear, let’s wrap ‘er up. I just think my brain is in over-drive from writing all those articles for Demand Studios today.”

The clock just passed midnight. As the mechanical tick-tock / tick-tock contraption over our kitchen entryway was partly responsible for my foggy state, I looked up at it one last time. Looked back at Heather, smiled, motioned her to come my way before turning out the light.

Whispering in her ear, while walking down the hallway with my arm around her neck, I asked if Konan’s overhead fan was on. Ever since he was just days old, he’s been fascinated by his fan. She checked while I stood in the hallway for what seemed like a lifetime. The chill, the dampness in the air. Now I was feeling anxious.

Gaaaawd, why the hell isn’t the hallway nightlight on tonight?” I murmered to myself. I looked down to where it was supposed to be, only to see nothing but a jagged shadow. And, as I knew it wasn’t Heather’s, I swiftly cocked my head in fright to see where it was leading.

“It’s okay, Barry, don’t be scared. I’m here to make things better.”

The voice: It torn through my core — every fiber of my soul — and, if I hadn’t seen something different, I would have immediately associated it with James Earl Jones. But, the husky, resonating vibration of the voice took a back seat to the domineering stature of this dark being I was looking UP at.

I’m 6’4″ and I can immediately gauge something 7′ or above. I scanned him from head to toe, and again he said my name. I was curt, angry, in reply. How had he gotten in our house? Who was he? What did he want with us? No response! Just an eerie smirk that was highlighted by an undisturbed radiance from his face — one that seemed at odds with the energy I was feeling by being near this shadowy person.

I thought of Heather, Konan and of protecting my family and feeling invaded. I yelled at him to leave. He pleaded with his eyes — two of the roundest, purest, most magnetic pair I’d ever seen.

His facial expression turned candid, yet so bizarrely humorous that it briefly removed my concern for my family and caused me to really look more closely at this trespasser.

I saw dark grey hair, with vestiges of silver aligned to wavy layers that perfectly formed around his angular head; a black sailor’s peacoat; the left side of a butterfly charcoal collar peeking out beneath; black slacks; and black shoes covering feet so big that it would make Shaquille O’Neal feel like Tiny Tim.

But, removed from all this darkness, covering his frame, was an exposed face full of life. Sure, he looked aged… yet there was a constant twinkle to it. Looking at it, I kept thinking: ‘Trust him. He’s not going to hurt anybody.’ I don’t think I’ve ever seen a face so weathered, wise, at peace, and full of deep, deep humor in his expression. A combination that again pulled me into him like a lifeboat pulling in a man overboard.

He stood his ground and again said, “Don’t be scared!

He looked down at me, I looked up, and I met those eyes again. This time his pupils turned from radiant white to turquoise blue. They sparkled with a pleasing, almost comical energy.

The message couldn’t have been more clear: ‘You know who I am. You know why I’m here. Don’t pretend we haven’t met before. We have. You just don’t like what I have to say.’ A thrust of discomfort and embarrassment went through me. It was as if I’d failed to recognize somebody who had tried to be my friend in the past.

You creep me out, dude… yet, it’s pretty apparent you’re not a normal mortal who just made his way in here through a window or an unlocked door, right?”

He took two steps back, leaned his right shoulder against the hallway wall, took a deep breath, as if to contemplate giving my question an answer that would please me, and just said:

“Think of me as your and Heather’s personal results-mirror — your very own Obi-Wan Kenobi whose here to keep you from getting in your own way.”

His answer didn’t exactly keep me calm. First, he brought up Heather’s name. I didn’t want her seeing this monstrous entity talking to me. Then, he misfired by throwing a Star Wars reference my way. He totally put me back on guard. Even though his words had a powerful resonance to them, and there was a sense of command about him, I couldn’t help but raise my voice and blurt:

Hey, look, keep Heather out of this, and you sure the hell don’t know me well enough if you think I’m a Star Wars fanatic… I ain’t. Have no interest!!! And, getting in our way. You kidding me? We teach by writing about the dark side of human behavior — ya know, the whacky, self-defeating, not-so-rose-colored parts of personal-growth that most want to resolve, yet are afraid to talk about.”

Yeah, at this point it felt like just another ordinary encounter with an LWL community member who wanted to ‘school me’ on the ways of the world and tweak our approach. But, instead of the customary email or blog comment, a slightly crazy fan who had the nerve to bust in on us in the early hours of August 13th, 2009.

He blinked at my anger, my annoyance, in his audacity to be our unsolicited wise council of our own development. Yoda, Obi-Wan, or some other more evolved Jedi-council member… I didn’t care. I wasn’t in the mood to play some geeky Sci-Fi fantasy game with him. Didn’t he know I was headed for bed?

Speaking of which, just then, I heard footsteps, and they weren’t his. We both quickly looked at each other, then looked in unison at Konan’s bedroom door, and knew. He spoke first:

“Are you going to introduce me properly, Barry?”

Aaahhhh, what am I supposed to say… that you’re the creepier, taller version of a fictitious character who was a dedicated defender of ‘the Force’?

He lavished a big smile and a gentle left-to-right head-shake. Magically, I knew what he was thinking: ‘I adore your sarcastic wit, but I don’t think that’ll be good enough to keep her from screaming and waking up your precious baby.’

Riiiiiiight, good point,” I ethereally shot back my acknowledgment to this big goon who was sorta beginning to grow on me.

Before I tell you how Heather reacted to this tall, dark stranger standing beside me — the very one who would later admit to us that he “bent time and space” so he could first ameliorate his presence to me, to gain my trust and acceptance — I’ll confess that even when I first saw his shadow, regardless of how scared shitless I was, I did feel a sense of love around me. Yes, there was an alienness to him, yet he hardly seemed like anyone from another world. In hindsight, he was just a super-tall, ordinary-looking guy with big feet and a colorless face that housed brilliant eyes that looked like they’d experienced millions of lives.

In other words, even though he didn’t present himself with best first impression, physically, I did instantly FEEL his “spirit” came to help, with the best intentions (just like he said at the beginning). I felt a no-nonsense, tough, but super-loving entity who just popped into our life to ensure that our mission wouldn’t be held-back by the one silent imposter that haunts every living, breathing mortal on planet earth: UNCONSCIOUS self-defeating behavior!

I heard Konan’s door shut, looked up at my new acquaintance with an expression that said, ‘please, disappear,’ then suddenly I saw a small flash of smoke and he was gone. I whipped my head around toward Heather, who just said:

Yup, his fan’s on, he’s snug as a bug, and sleeping in froggy position. All is well.”

All I felt like doing at that moment was smiling, but I couldn’t. With my head down, I just walked over, hugged her and said, “Love you.” But, I was apparently shaking some, and when she pushed me back to look at me, I heard something that made me not smile, but laugh:

Bear, what’s up?… I swear, you look like you just saw a ghost.”

And, without skipping a beat or missing his cue, my new found guardian’s voice bellowed from our living room:

“Hi Hamster, I’ve missed you as well! I’d like your soulmate to introduce me.

Heather jerked me back into her arms, clenched with all her might, and asked me who that was. I explained that we had an unexpected visitor — a friendly spirit that she too had met many times in her dreams and thoughts. He decided, for whatever reason, to show up in physical form today. “I’m cool with his visit,” I told her, “as he came to help us and lend some guidance so we don’t undermine our own power, purpose, and creativity.”

However, as we walked down the hallway, back towards the kitchen, adjacent to the living room where HE was sitting, I warned Heather about his imposing stature, and to not look in his eyes.

She peered around the corner and for reassurance asked:

Barry says you’re friendly… aaaand… and that you’re here to help us?

Our visitor put his forearms on his knees, bent forward from the back of the couch, slouched his head downward, and just said, “I Love You Both” with an exhausted energy.

What’s wrong?” I asked, feeling some sympathy for him.

“I’m called to do things for select people who we know have the capacity to hear and know things about themselves and how the universe responds to behavior. Yet, I’m still always met with trepidation and angst.”

Well, maybe your people need to dress you better… as in, not all black and Hemingway-like!” Heather retorted.

Motioning for us to sit by him, we heard: “Come, come… I am here to awaken you from your greatest, most unconscious self-interference. I do this in kindness and a divine, unrestricted heart. Please give me some time.”

When clicking the “continue reading,” link below, you’ll be take to Chapter 1 of our upcoming book, to be published in early 2010. You’ll also, at the end of this chapter,  get instructions on how to name our book and read it, chapter-by-chapter, as it’s being created.



For many years, Heather and I have sensed something “wrong” — something completely off-kilter — in the small, niched arena that most would label “Manifestation” or “Law of Attraction” or “Metaphysics”. It’s a very peculiar, sensitive, personally-absorbed aspect of growth and learning. When taken selectively and in small doses, it can bring forth some of the most paradigm-shifting “A-ha” moments. Yet, when gulped-down and swallowed whole, or constantly inhaled like it’s crack cocaine, it can remove the student so far from external reality, so far from self-accountability, so far from real-world results, that the cure (the marketed value of the practice) becomes worse than the disease.

What makes us the self-professed analysts of how the masses approach and experience this specialized aspect of personal development?

Why do we feel we’ve got our fingers on the pulse of problems a large, large MAJORITY of people practicing it have?

At one point in our conversation with our house guest, we heard him state in displeasure that: “since the dawn of time, mankind has struggled with accepting an externally-imposed reality. It’s much more comfortable to think that you humans actually have complete control over the events you experience, the people you attract, or even how you play out your lifetime. Yet, the unvarnished, hard-to-swallow truth is that you’re just along for the ride. You only have the freedom to create religions, dogmatic organizations, and belief systems like the LOA so you have a ‘sense’ of being in charge.”

It didn’t shock us. We got what he meant. Maybe, unbeknownst to him, we’ve already seen how small belief systems like the LOA can produce some of the most naval-gazing, self-absorbed, boxed-in approaches to living… even more so than long-standing religious fundamentalism. Our ghostly mentor talked about a lot of on-the-fringe stuff. Stuff, truly, that the masses don’t want to hear. We felt his passion, his intensity, his pure conviction to soften the coming backlash that will soon be directed to so-called spiritual teachers, life coaches, and modern-day sages who are riding the current tidal wave of pretentious, self-serving and misguided garbage that bravely passes for ‘spirituality’ and ‘enlightenment’.

In the last 5 years of being in the business — committing our time to researching and writing about solid, grounded, no B.S, usable self-help approaches — we interviewed in public format many, many (over 200) “teachers”. We’ve had just as many (probably more) private raw, revealing, sometimes even energetic disputes and conversations. We’ve read about, listened to, and studied more “gurus of the moment” than you can shake a stick at.  We have come to witness a few head-shaking practices. And, we’ve found some sensible, but mostly hidden, truths — and several profound INSIGHTS — some of which you may have sifted out from posts on this blog.

In no way are we suggesting that the things we (and our friend) will be sharing are all absolute, or that we have a monopoly on them. Nevertheless, if one is focused in the game long enough, one starts to NOTICE things.

What’s your main agenda for us… what are we supposed to accomplish together?” Heather fired away at our visitor. She had already heard my version of his ‘reason’ for being in our house, but she wanted to him to elaborate. He felt that directness out of her, and he looked satisfied that we both were ready to fully engage in his wisdom.

He didn’t waste any time. His voice — oh, that baritone voice — revved up a few notches, and he told us the following:

“Mass consciousness — the world at large — is currently moving away from fancy… from anything to do with glitz, glamour, over-indulging in abstract, philosophical learning, spiritual fads, or conspicuous consumption for unnecessary ‘things’.”

You mean more and more people are catching up to marketers and teachers who are selling and ‘teaching’ for the wrong or undefined reasons? People who don’t even live what they’re teaching, don’t believe in what they’re selling, or try to be ‘something’ they’re not to get the sale?” I felt a jolt of anger run through my body. I heard what he said, but somehow what I asked in response felt like it needed to be part of HIS answer.

“Barry, I know why you asked that. I’ll address specifics around that later. For now, I have a question for you: ‘Have you caught yourself re-experiencing the same UNWANTED situations over and over again?'”

Before I could answer, Heather was on top of his use of the phrase ‘re-experiencing’ and said, “I noticed you didn’t say ‘re-creating’. There must be some greater insight there?

“There is, very much so. I’ll get into that. One baby step at a time, though. You both have seen recurring patterns in your past, right, that creep up again — the very ones that you THINK you resolved enough to make go away?”

We nodded, looked at each other and smiled. We had just gotten through talking about the similar make-up, the dis-serving commonalities, of three of my past business partners. We thought it had something to do with my penchant for being ‘over-committed’ to others and my desire to ‘trust’ as long as they talked a good game. I’ve always given business partners the benefit of the doubt and time to ‘follow through’ on their part of the bargain. Yet, as I soon would find out, this trait of mine was only part of the problem.

Our visitor, who was now getting more comfortable with us, chimed in:

“It’s about perpetually asking questions, NOT about disposing of past experiences and memories to temporarily cause you to feel safe and secure again. Most well-meaning teachers have erroneously taught that if you want to change your outer world, that you should dive deeply into your inner-world. That’s a futile approach most of the time, as you humans can’t even get close to going inward with honesty and clear reflection UNTIL you first own-up to — remove the rose-colored glasses, as you both like to say — the BS that’s going on in your outer world.”

Heather pondered this for a moment, and I could see the wheels turning. “So you’re saying that ‘your roots produce your fruits’ is a false statement?

“Not exactly,” the visitor replied. “I’m saying that you have to admit what kind of fruit you’ve already produced, and even eat from your own tree, before you can go back, replant the tree, rework the roots, and make new fruit.”

Heather smiled. “Makes sense,” she said, “which is why the people who ignore their current fruit situation just keep growing the same ones.” Then she leaned forward, and asked, “Who exactly are you?

“I’m officially your personal ghost of Self-Denial and Delusion. And we’re going to take a look at some of the patterns you two have created in the past, and why you might not be growing the fruit you think you should.”

Heather didn’t miss a beat. “Hang on a second. Aren’t we supposed to be visited by three more ghosts tonight, to talk about delusions past, delusions present and delusions that will happen in the future, if we don’t change the patterns?

“Nah,” the ghost replied, “due to the state of the U.S. economy, which is sadly really on the verge of a depression — something the government is denying and media is hiding — we’ve cut back. I’m taking all the shifts now.” His eyes twinkled and Heather smirked.

Ah, the word ‘depression’, I silently mused around my head. How he said it like it was just a nonchalant, easily-acceptable fact. But, I couldn’t argue about that… at least at that point. After all, I see the big picture fundamentals happening all around us. Regardless of whatever ‘hope filled’ gloss the masses shoot out into the universe with their thoughts, the raw fact remains the same: we’re in a credit cycle gone bad… way bad. The consumer is over-leveraged to the hilt, with debt on his/her books that will take years to repay. Unemployment is rising, and nearly 7 million jobs have vanished since the downturn began.

I thought how the first thing to changing something is to understand it. Then, a more depressing, with no pun intended, thought came to mind: the masses don’t want to understand truth, regardless of how pervasively ‘in your face’ glaring it can be. As Plato said: “Complacent ignorance is the most lethal sickness of the soul.”

I continued with my internal rant: CNBC’s Cramer is pounding the table with buys, and the lemming retail and professional investors are piling in. Meanwhile the professional insider selling-to-buying ratio is 4.16 to 1 in July compared to 0.76 to 1 in March. Yup, things that the sheeple just don’t have the interest or energy to know about. And, that’s the way ‘they’ want it. Gawd, I hope our friend gets into who ‘they’ are.

“The bottom line,” he seemed in a rush to finalize his purpose with us, “is that millions of people out there are fooling themselves every day — including both of you. Yes, dear friends, it’s inherent in all of humanity. The variable, though, is this: some humans do it way more than than is healthy, and most don’t even know when they’re doing it.”

For six straight hours, our visitor continued to talk to us about how to experience a life that is removed from fantastical hype and Utopian ideals. He warned us about people who live from theory and base their decisions on mainstream academia, without participating in their own exploration. He asked us to always be on alert with our own honesty about our state of BE-ing. He asked hard questions we’ve never heard before. He demanded things from us that we’ve never thought about demanding for ourselves. He made sure we understood why hope, faith, and the belief in a compassionate God/Universe can be the biggest lie there is. And, why it can be the best as well.

We will be bringing you the complete, unedited transcripts of his entire conversation with us. Yup, that’s right, we recorded the whole thing. You’ll get the first 90 minutes’ worth via this blog. The remaining conversations can be read, as they’re published, inside our members’ area.

♦  ♦  ♦

Want to read part of (and even an entire) book being created, as it’s being created?

You’ve just read the INTRODUCTION and CHAPTER 1 of our soon-to-be published (2010) physical soft-cover book.

This book is currently un-titled and un-subtitled. We’d like your help, and we’ll even put your name and website in lights 🙂

From Introduction to Chapter 3 will be readily available for public consumption (free-of-charge) on this blog.  However, you can read ALL remaining chapters (we’re expecting there to at least be 20 total), as we create them inside our LWL Insider’s Club (one low annual fee).

This club, which you can join in a few weeks or less, is for you if a) you would like to read our for-sale books, manuals, reports, and manifestos as they’re being created, as well as have early bird access, at a discount, to the publised version(s), and b) you would like us to consider publishing your own work.

Are you a writer, content producer, or solo publisher? Or… do you want to be?

Do you have a flair for researching and creating candid, uncensored, real-world news reports, blog posts, recordings or books — “how to” and educational information that provokes thought, is slightly contrarian in approach, and helps the readers confront life ‘differently’?

If you’ve created a product, or started a product, or have a great idea for a product that’ll fit our LWL brand and that will allow you to teach what you’re good at and help others live a Life Without Limits -– then we may want to partner with you as your publisher.

It might be a book you’ve written, or a series of audios you’ve recorded, or even a documentary or movie -– if it teaches people how to EXPLORE, DISCOVER, and GET RESULTS in the areas of health/fitness,  business/finance, relationships/family or personal development/higher learning; if it capitalizes on what you know and do well, then you might be a fit for us.

We might need you to expand your product, create something else, or take a slightly different angle. But if you love to create — and not do all the other time-consuming stuff that goes along with getting your creation out to an audience (like payment processing, fulfillment, affiliate tracking, etc.) — then we may be a perfect match.

*** The LWL Insider’s Club will be OPEN SOON — we’ll notify you via this blog and by email ***

In the meantime, back to this book:

We will be incorporating multiple LWL community comments via each chapter of the book. If you have a story, experience, though-provoking commentary, some wise, rational thoughts about self-denial, self-defeating behavior, self-discovery and personal accomplishment, lay it on us by commenting on each “Chapter” post that appears on this blog.

Again, we will make public the first three chapters.

And, if you have an IDEA for a book title / sub-title, let us know that too.

Here are two that we played with, but didn’t choose:

* Reality Check: How to Walk Your Talk and Accomplish Amazing Things

* How To Get The *$%! Out of Your Own Way, and Live a No-Limit Life!

So, since we’re still searching for the perfect title for this in-creation book, we’re asking for your input. Give us your title ideas in the comments section, and if we pick yours, you’ll get FREE membership to the LWL Insider’s Club, and a FREE book!

Sound cool? If so, lay your thoughts on us below…

Filed under: Self-Sabotage

24 Responses to “How Not To Fool Yourself (Or, Your Ghost)”

  1. Fascinating!
    Looks like ‘Own Up’ should be part of the title or subtitle.

    But hey, I’m just going on the Introduction and Chapter 1.


  2. Hello Barry !

    I must say, “very thought provoking…

    Happiness ” is not ” having More, it is just ” wanting Less”.

    Ragged but Happy !

    Best to you and yours,

    Robert .

    [Heather’s REPLY]:

    Hi Robert,

    Thanks for the comment… a bit cliche though. I hope that’s not what you got out of the post, but just your own unrelated thoughts?

    Neither we, nor our ghostly friend, would recommend giving away all your material items and sitting cross-legged in a cave for the rest of our lives (or however you want to define “wanting less”).

    We don’t really believe happiness is about wanting less… we feel we all deserve to experience everything, including the physical, that life has to offer while we’re here.

    In fact, we’ve written about this concept numerous times, and that notion — which causes self-delusion and confusion for many — may be one of the things revealed in future chapters.

    Maybe that’s why you wrote it… in that case, thanks for the fodder! 😉


  3. Hello Heather and Barry
    What an experience and so beautifully written!
    3 titles came to mind:
    “A Ghost’s story you will want to hear”
    “Ultimate help from the Other Side”
    “Truths to Change your Life around”

  4. Hi Barry and Heather,

    Very interesting experience and article, thank you.

    My thoughts after chapter 1, that this is not enough information to suggest a name that would do your book justice, nor enough information to understand where this is going eg Robert’s comnments.

    Just a thought given you recorded the 6 hours with the Ghost, why not publish an unedited version of the recordings now and then contiune with your book, which would define what your understanding of the discussion was.

    The book would serve as clarity and could also include feed back from people like Robert etc which would assist people with their understand.


    [Heather’s REPLY]:

    Hi Annette,

    Well, if you’ve ever watched “Ghost Hunter” or some such similar show on TV, you will have noticed that ghost’s voices sound really… umm… other-worldly. So what they do, when you watch the show, is put up sub-titles so you can hear how “aaaaahhhooooonnnnnnaaaaa” might actually mean “I don’t want to”.

    But you need video to do that little trick. So releasing the audio of the ghost’s voice would just confuse people, and we’d have to release the transcripts to go along with it anyhow, or no one would know what was being said. But those transcripts are a major part of the book, so that would just be giving the whole book away. Oh, and don’t get us started on how much we had to pay the transcriptionist to take this job! It was the hardest work she’s ever done! Let’s just hope she got it right!

    Not that it really matters, once we have a chance to review and massage the transcripts over. See, cuz when you talk with a ghost, most of it’s not really talking so much as telepathically being given thoughts. And… well, it’s really hard to record thoughts, too.

    Trust us, we’ve tried! Some of the thoughts flying around this house on a good day would make some really entertaining audios, if we could just figure out how to make that happen!

    But the book won’t be about us discussing what we understood a discussion to be about. After all, the point of having a discussion in the first place is to clarify what it’s all about! 😉 In other words, if you walk away from a discussion not knowing what was discussed, and having to write an understanding of what it all meant, then you weren’t really there in that discussion in the first place.

    Ahhh… now maybe we’re getting somewhere, right? 😉

    So anyhow, unfortunately no, we can’t just release the unedited audios now while we write the book. It was a good idea, and a nice bit of comic relief, but it’s not possible.

    As for what the book’s about and where it’s going, it’s pretty much laid out in chapter one. But the details, yes, are still to come.


  5. Hi Heather..

    just an unrelated rambling, on life.

    No suggestion that anyone give anything away;
    be thankful for what you have.

    Best to you,


    P.S. DEfinitely like your story.

  6. Hi,

    I love the ghost story and have a few myself. Thank you for this unusual post.

    I have written some kids books with the intention of teaching children to learn some life lessons from nature and about guides. I have created a series. These books are not only for children, but also to help wake up the adult that is reading to them. (All in a gentle way)
    They may be a little tame for you after reading about this ghost. However, they are for little children.
    How would I go about submitting them to you for review? All six of my books are copyrighted and one of them is translated into Chinese and Spanish. I have just begun to look for a publisher.
    I have felt for some time that there is something wrong with some of the people in the Masters of the Secrete. Is this what you are referring to in the above article? It seems they have all jumped on this band wagon and it has a life of its own. All giving the ok to each other and that seems to seal the deal as far as they will make money. Something has been lost from the original intention to wake up people.
    I recently saw a show with one of them showing his house. I was amazed at the attitude that I preceived. I do not feel I know enough about him to judge his intentions but I definitely got a short vibe from him. This is a person I had a lot of respect for and I was very surprised at the feelings that were released from him.
    I love how you are so blunt and true to yourselves.
    Even if you would just look at the books,I would appreciate the advice you would give me.

  7. I thought a good title might be “Ghosts Within and Without” It kind of eludes to the inner world and the outward world while at the same time relates to the whole “seek ye first his rightousness, and all these things shall be added unto you” that religious and spiritual leader debate on its misunderstood meaning.

  8. Hi, Heather and Barry,

    Thought this might be an interesting title for your interesting book:


  9. It’s me again. I came up with a revised title:


  10. “He made sure we understood why hope, faith, and the belief in a compassionate God/Universe can be the biggest lie there is. And, why it can be the best as well.”

    First I’m not sure If ‘best’ is meant in the context of a lie as in the ‘biggest lie’ or if it is meant within the meaning of ‘hope,faith and love…’

    Second I’ve been reading about heremetic principles that fascinate me.

    Third I’m fairly confident the LOA holds true when it fits a model or pattern that if you reconize you can ‘piggyback’ on.
    I think patterns are the real key in yourself and in the world. My suggestion for a title would include “Midnight”, “Matrix,” or something with those words in it. We exist in a physical reality and while quantum physics are a part there is a greater power than that behind it. I don’t understand it all but would like to know more.

    I don’t know quite what you are suggesting. I believe in a Creator. I have a savior in Jesus Christ. I know there are spirit beings having seen them as well as divas. I have a guardian angel. I call on the archangels as well as my guides.
    I know enough about history to know that Hitler was popular. That the Russian revolution in the early part of the last century was exploited.

    How that all ties in I don’t know. I’m not sure it would do me any good to know.

    [ Tony’s Reply – LWL Support ]:

    Lyn, in regards to what Barry/Heather believe, as it relates to religion, Jesus, God, fundamentalist-thinking, maybe this collection of forum posts will give you a grander understanding of where THEY come from:

    * from a Forum thread started ALMOST 4 years ago.

  11. Hi! Heather & Barry,
    I am the Russian Blue cat owner. Remember, I sent you my book last year.

    I am suggesting a possible title for your upcoming book:

    Hey, I have self published my second book that enhances this subject. It’s on “Living Your Passion with Perseverance and Purpose”.
    Maybe we can get together……………………….

  12. There was a moment there in Heather’s reply above that Joseph Smith with his head in hat reading gold tablets came to mind, but hey, I’ve read enough of your stuff now to deal.

    ‘Meeting at the edge – Owning up to your SELF’ is my current effort but I will read and think on

    [ Barry’s Reply ] —

    I’m glad you found the mental wherewithal to “deal” with Heather’s apparent (in your mind anyway) flippant humor. It makes us feel like, in some sorta small way, we’re helping ‘make a difference’ if we can thicken the skin of somebody who is viewing life through a “Mormon” icon. Yes, Dear Adam, somehow I think even good ‘ol Joseph, regardless of his poor tastes in hats, would approve of our penchant for communicating in “full color” and not taking things all-so-righteously serious.

  13. I have read a gazillion books on the subject of ‘self examination,’ and you are right on the money. It’s a fad [most can’t handle the mirror].

    For me the most enlightening books I have ever read are those of Frank R Wallace.

    I know others strongly disagree with his philosophical standpoint but each to his own.

    Not fussed on the word Ghost for me. its gimmicky (no offense).

    Chapter 1 (above). It’s Very good.

    No title suggestions yet.


  14. Your “ghost” says good things. Thank goodness. Why even create a ghost to say it for you? Why not just say it?

    [ Tony’s Reply – LWL Support ] –

    The majority of LWL’s long-time, loyal, receptive readers, I’m 100% confident, would readily agree that Barry and Heather HAVE been “saying it” DIRECTLY for over 4 years. And, since what they “say” is obviously contrary to popular-thought and counter to “in crowd” practices, there’s a pretty good chance the MAJORITY won’t “HEAR” it. When it comes to getting a message of “raw personal growth” across, Dainis, it usually takes unique presentation, readership engagement, and yes “flair” so it’ll be swallowed.

    B&H would be the first ones to tell you that proper MARKETING (presentation, inducement of emotions / desire, and actions that lead the prospect to a ‘space’ they wouldn’t SEE / HEAR on their own) is half the battle. The other half being LEADERSHIP (walking through new areas of learning and threading through the waters of exploration with integrity, accountability, and responsibility as the flagship virtues).

    And, oh, least we forget: It’s a lot more palatable for their “other world mentor” to be saying the things he’s going to be saying than B&H just talking at the reader and spouting off self-righteous platitudes, like 80% of the stage-walking ‘gurus’ who adorn the spiritual-personal growth landscape. B&H loathe teachings that come all wrapped-up with a nice pretty bow riding with a card that says: “I got what you need. Just follow my ways and you’ll be free.” Nah, that’s not what LWL is about.

    Plus, I’ll go out on a limb and say I betcha it’s a lot more fun and enjoyable for you to learn from an exchange of conversation with a fictitious “wise” visitor than, again, in the first person only. Hint: there’s a reason fiction will always outsell non-fiction. B&H want people to “get” their exploration and research, not just buy it and put it on the shelf.

    Hope that answer helps !

  15. I saw a title “Turning Over the Soil – to Expose your Divine Roots”

  16. Hi Barry & Heather

    I have an inkling about what we individually are and have been experiencing.

    I think it’s fairly accepted in our circles (new age ? for want of a better term) that we are somehow representatives of the universal, infinite potential playing itself out, or actualizing, in the “realities” that are our lives.

    Every possible experiencce has to be embodied and I think we are those who have volunteered to embody those various experiences that have to be experienced because they are possible and because there is nothing to stop those possibilities from actualizing.

    I think that for many of us, the period of having to embody the experiences that comprise the “realities” or lives that we interpret to be in the range we call “reasonably unpleasant” to “hell on earth” has come to an end and those of us who are in that position are in a process of transition that is coming to sense that we are actually something indescribably amazing that has chosen to wear blinkers for as long as we have, as a choice, to help out, so to speak 🙂

    I see this as being what the LOA is essentially being presented to facilitate, despite it being dressed up in all sorts of guises. As Marci Shimoff said in The Secret, it’s actually teaching us to feel happy first in order to get what you want, but lets face it if you really feel good you no longer want. To make it sound attractive, the LOA has to dangle a few carrrots so as to get us to make what seems like illogical effort in the first instance, and when we succeed in feeling good, even before we have manifested our desires, and I mean really consistently good as if we have already attained what we desire, to the extent that the good feeling is so pervasive as to distract ourselves, totally, from the desire/s, when we have come to feel good from such deliberate mental and emotional manipulation, we not only come to feel that somehow we are this incredibly amazing, indescribable thing that I mentioned before, and thereby are worthy of the immense gratitude, admiration, love and support that is being showered upon us by all sorts of “entities” or energies for taking on these roles, but we also, as a byproduct, tend to find that the things we previously wanted seem to manifest as a sort of bonus 🙂 That’s my take on things and where the LOA fits in.

    I often ask myself, am I being delusional?, and I experience a lot of doubt, and this may very well be a delusion that I tell myself and feel in order to cope and feel better about existence.

    But somehow, I have an inkling that it isnt.



    [ Tony’s Reply – LWL Support ] —

    Thank you, Daniel, for your insightful comments and discerning thinking on the subject. I do believe, what you’ll find, as the chapters of B&H’s upcoming book plays out is a perspective that’ll help you better examine if you’re being fulfilled and getting results in a “reality” that is HERE, regardless of what you do or don’t do internally, to make it change or be different. Most LOA’ers or “New Agers”, as you say, might be conditioned to think: “heck, I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I accept.” And, after speaking with Barry & Heather often about this subject, it’ll be fascinating to see how their “ghostly mentor” completely tears-down that fallacy and causes you/us (anybody who focuses too much on INTERNAL reality-creation) to ‘own-up to’ the LARGER big-picture external world they’re a part of, yet usually don’t accept. More to come. Stay tuned.

  17. am i reading your response right barry? do you think I’m a Mormon???!! I may well be irrational but I’m not insanely so, although I am judgmental too I grant you.
    I like Tony’s reply above, I’ve read too much conspiracy stuff over the years to thinks there isn’t an out there out there and the LOA is just too darn pat, too simple, I am most certainly looking forward to the ghostly tablet reading tearing down of walls and a potential snapping into place of an alternative to the various seemingly incompatible paths I ‘ve been walking but can’t seem to be able to co-ordinate….in anticipation….In the truest rocky horror tone

  18. Going LIVE: How to Dismantle Your Replay Switch and Stop Living Your Life on Remote Control.



  20. Hi Barry & Heather,

    Thanks for the “slap on the top of my head” – you’ve got my attention! Enjoyed the Intro & Chap. 1. Looking forward to the next installments.

    Guess it’s about time we all stop contemplating our navels, and start looking at the larger picture here. Heck, most folks won’t even admit to having a “shadow self,” let alone being a part of a bigger picture.
    Expanding from your blog posts to a published book to reach a larger audience…awesome. Good way to do it – I’ve always preferred fiction.

    Got a book title suggestion –
    Going Beyond Illusion – Seeing the Truth In What Is

  21. ALERT:LONG ASS POST— Ok, so on my constant search for “there has got to be more to life”, I happened upon The Secret, and like most I was geeked up off the concepts. I did begin to change my thoughts and feel better but i began to think there were loop hole in The Secret that needed to be explained. So I began reading the Master Key System, which was to me like the Secret to the 100th power, basically explaining it in depth.

    So then I became more fascinated. I’m the type of person who, when interested in a subject, I like to find all there is on it. And through my journey, I have learned to really think for myself, and really believe things because I believe them and not because the Church said or Mom or dad said. So, throughout this “I can believe what I want and that’s that,” quest I found more and more stuff on this whole LOA thing…. some that were beneficial and some that were annoying. Like the people who tell us there is a better life and then sell this book on the LOA and make that life.

    I feel they are making their better life off of holding seminars and giving speeches on the LOA, but none of them unbeknownst to me are giving basic fundamentals on how to attract a better life than a motivational speaker on the LOA. Now I know all the vibration, meditation, visualization, feel good thoughts-become-things stuff, but I need to see it for myself.

    I was starting to feel the people who live this way turn into these higher than life people, like the Abraham Lady. Not saying anything bad about her and her husband because I took some very informative things from what she had to say. Then I found a video on YouTube (I know its not all that credible) and came upon a site that allowed you to download a lot of e-books and so I did.

    I read a few and became irritated by some and gained insight by others. One of which was one written by Barry Goss. It was the most relatable because he spoke human to me. Out of all I’ve read, he seemed to not be on this “I am not human anymore but yet a ball of God wrapped n the flesh.” Ok…so after reading the e-book I clicked on a link which was supposed to lead me to the worlds mentor conversation or something to that nature, but instead lead me to his personal lwl website. On the site I read a few insightful posts. I came upon 2 that kind of jolted me out of “The Secret, Jack Canfield, Ester and Jerry Hicks, YouTube, yahoo search, co creators web page, success consciousness” thinking process.

    One of the articles brought up a valid point about how one truly can not 100% create their life to go anyway they want it and that maybe, just maybe, shit happens… so get off that “I am better than religion because I am a replica of god I see nothing but positive so I will meditate and levitate my ass a better life” high horse and then all my LOA, LOV, thoughts become things, visualize it honey just feel it, PICTURE was not shattered but close.

    It’s true that these “Guru’s and Teachers” — some not all — have placed themselveson a pedestal and I myself began to war with myself. I said “ok I do believe the way you think creates itself in your life”, and I would begin to listen to the people around me and think wow your attitude is FUCKED up, then I went through this whole phase where I would shun all negativity and I guess looking at it now I was being just as uppity as the “RELIGIOUS” people I thought were misguiding me.

    I came to the conclusion that I would only tell people of changing ones attitude because when I would volunteer it they would get angry with me. Thinking different does not make me better than anyone else in this world. And I could see myself sort of battling with it because the message says Affirmations, throw out the negative and so forth, and be around the people who are like you. And lets face it most people do not think like this and usually laugh at the idea and or bash scripture in your face.

    So the ideology of being this Supreme Being as and is scary to me. It seemed all these people who where public speakers on the LOA ended up turning into these high beings that hold work shops to people looking for a better life. Ok. So I said all that to say, I do not want to be like that at all (and please do not say don’t focus on what you do not want).

    I want to find a peace within myself with my life. I like the idea that one has control over your destiny, that anything is achievable and even the concepts shed on GOD. Growing up I was in an environment that really said wanting too much is selfish or wait on GOD’s will, or go to school work very hard and find a stable JOB. Those are the keys to life: wait on the Lord and he will show you the way.

    Well I defiantly believe in GOD but I honestly believe life is not about waiting on “his will” (…waiting for the lighting to strike me dead…). My parent’s beliefs do not coincide with mine at all. And now at 23 I have began to really think for myself and know it was “ok” to do so. Prior, I would think things like “wow, I want to be this or that” and sort of feel greedy…. Ok, so after this novel I have just written, it all leads up to this big long ass question I am about to ask…. I have done my research I have come up to the solid conclusion that LOA is factual and real, The Secret is a good book with good points but misleading to say the least, and that some of the LOA teachers are leading us to believe that we are to turn into these high and mighty beings. With that being said, I just want to live out my dreams. I just graduated college, majoring in funeral service. I just want to have more, have a fulfilling life, one that tackles all my dreams and mainly a life where money is not the focus as it has been now. The life I was raised around is the life that at 50, you will have remortgaged your house 2 and 3 times, have no retirement fund and always tight on money.

    Not bashing my parents because they have done well for me and my family. These teachings say “believe and you will have” and I believe that is true but I feel people keep giving the run around. I watched an interview with will smith and he talked about things that related to the LOA and deciding what you want and its yours for the taking. But it seems these writers of these books never show what happen in their life…I guess the book sold and they got rich. What I do know is I will never give up, but I don’t see myself turning into this high and mighty seminar giver who meditates all the god damn time or never says the words “NO,” “DON”T,” Or “NOT” while coaxing in a general conversation with friends.

    I liked a lot of Jack Canfeld’s story because his proof is in his pudding, but he got a little annoying, no disrespect. I just want someone to say “well…when I started doing FILL IN THE BLANK I saw BLANK manifest in my life such and such, so on and so on.”

    I read in various blogs defragmenting The Secret that there are people who manifest with ease. HOW!, HOW! HOW! Personal stories and life explanations of people other than someone who only got rich off of selling “LOA THE SECRET PART TWO”.

    My main goal is over all abundance in every avenue of my life, Family, friends writing, work, dreams and so on and so on, but I need a bit more then what I have been getting. So if you have made it to the end of this mega post, please drop a line of insight …much appreciated.

  22. Title:

    “Reflections Of The Ghost In The Mirror”


    Casting Shadows On Life’s Greatest Illusions

    (and when you call me, I’ll tell you how the above came to me 🙂


  23. Jester

    What I have learned from Esther’s stuff, which I find totally amazing by the way, is that you can’t have the specific things you want until you stop noticing that you don’t have them. There are several ways to stop noticing that we don’t have the things we want, you know what things I mean, the things we think are out of our reach. One way is to deliberately feel as if we already have them, to practice this as a deliberate visualization activity each day. Another way is to practice some sort of daily relaxation/meditation. I find a relaxation exercise which starts with the “progressive muscle relaxation” technique to get me really relaxed first and then just remain in that relaxed state for 1/2 hour or whatever, once a day (or more). The idea of both these exercises is to remove the unpleasant feeling that we have when we notice that the thing that we really feel we want and which is out of reach is something that we don’t have. Drinking a lot of alcohol can have the same effect but it tends to be far more temporary and the sense of lack tends to come back stronger than before 🙂

    I only mention alcohol as a comparison to convey just how significantly reduced my sense of lacking something becomes when I practice the above relaxation exercise, and no its not because I fall asleep:)

    The combination of the deliberate conjuration by visualization of the feeling that I already have the thing that I really want, with the relaxation exercise (not at the same time of course) has enabled me to avoid feeling that unpleasant feeling of lack with regard to something I want (that unpleasant feeling of lack being the usual way we think and express with regard to the things that we desire) for long enough or consistently enough to allow me to amaze myself with results using LOA in this way !!!

    Another byproduct of the practices is that I have noticed that once I feel good, and can feel good whenever I want by using the tool of imagining I have something that I want to get me to feeling good, I not only find it easier to feel good again, but I dont need to visualize any particular outcome in order to feel it. I have come to think that feeling good is how we would feel if we didnt have the overlay that suggests not feeling good is more appropriate for one reason or another, and, I think this is what the whole LOA movement is essentially here to facilitate, as I said in an earlier post to this blog.



  24. I am looking forward to the book.. a title suggestion.. maybe not have one until the book is complete, or at least closer to completion. Maybe .. a

    Stubbing my toe
    someone saw me today.. i have a friend.. wow its weird not being alone
    in the universe
    who is that masked man , anyway Batman?
    one day, the world opened, and we the people saved our planet
    and joined the rest of the universe
    now i know one day i can learn horsebackriding, mathmatics, and have a boyfriend
    accepting our part with integrity, accountability, and responsiblility, at least for 3 years.. did you know that 3 changes everything? attractors they are called.
    standing up with jesus

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