Real, Raw, and Rewarding Relationship

This morning I was lying in a hot bubble-bath that my sweetie, Barry, drew for me… and as I soaked and relaxed, I read People Magazine (yes, I like to read stuff that doesn’t take much thought, and that won’t matter if I get it wet when I’m in the bath… and sometimes — just sometimes — I’ll find something inspirational in there).

Today’s inspiration came in the form of a short pictorial called “Hollywood’s Quickest Marriages“.

It followed an article on Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds, who recently split just 14 days after getting married on an island paradise.

I remembered some of these stories, even though most of them were lost in the recesses of my mind… but the page got me thinking.

Here’s what I found out (with some added commentary of my own):

In 1994, Drew Barrymore was married to a bar owner named Jeremy Thomas for a whole 17 days. He blamed her fame for the split (like he didn’t know she was famous before they got married).

In 1998, Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman were married for a whopping 9 days. He claimed he was intoxicated — but whether that was before, during or after the short marriage is unclear.

Britney Spears and Jason Alexander (a young friend, not the Seinfeld actor) were also intoxicated when they decided to get married in Las Vegas in 2004. It apparently started as a “joke” and lasted 55 hours… her next marriage went on a little longer, but wasn’t any more of a model relationship.

Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney knew each other for 4 months before they got married… but the 2005 marriage only lasted 128 days. She claimed “fraud” when filing for annulment, but I’m not sure what she thought was so fraudulent about it. Isn’t it our own responsibility to know someone (heart, mind and soul) before committing through saying “I do”?

Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley stuck it out for 108 days before ending their marriage because, as she said, they were both like 12-year-olds. Again, that seems like something they would have figured out before tying the knot.

Pamela Anderson was engaged to Kid Rock for 4 years, but married to him for only 4 months. Hmmm… is that better or worse than marrying rocker Tommy Lee after knowing him 4 days, and going through a rocky on-again-off-again marriage for about 4 years? (Lots of rocks in this girl’s life!) Anyhow, Pam said after the Kid Rock split that they just didn’t belong together… something you would think she’d discover at some point during those years before the wedding.

Shannen Doherty is almost a long-distance runner after all these marriage sprints… at the time it seemed like it was over in the blink of an eye, but her marriage to Ashley Hamilton in 1993 did at least make it to the 6-month mark.

But according to People, the fastest marriage of all time was Zsa Zsa Gabor’s 8th, to a “playboy” named Felipe De Alba in 1982… she disappeared from his life forever a DAY after marrying him, saying that he BORED her. Wow! Must have been a reeaaaallllyyyyy looooonnnnggg day!

Alright, so why the heck did I get any inspiration from all this?

And what about those of us that live in the “real world”… what can we learn from it?

Click the link below to find out my thoughts…

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Celebrities in Hollywood and the world of rock ‘n’ roll (or whatever music you happen to like) always seem to have it all… the money, the fame, the beauty. They do what they love, love what they do, and become prosperous doing it. People all around the world either want to be like them… or to be with them.

And yet, time and again, we discover that the personal relationships of these artists in the spotlight just isn’t up to par.

Some personal growth experts say that this is based on our value system — that we choose what areas in life we excel at based on what we value, and that if someone is doing well in several areas of their lives, they have to suffer somewhere else as result (remember, the universe is always in balance)… so that means if “relationship” isn’t high on their list of priorities, they can’t have thriving, healthy relationships.

So not only have they never learned to “do relationship right”, but it hasn’t even been a priority to figure out how.

(And it’s not just marriages that are short-lived in Hollywood… it seems that actors often switch up boyfriends and girlfriends as often as they change movie roles.)

But those of us living in the “real world” (not the fake, glittery, made up entertainment world that thrives on pasteurized messages and idealized images, even when its cast members are apparently “off set” and just “being themselves”) understand that “doing relationship right” requires some work.

And we understand that it’s worth it to do that work… because not only is love the most powerful manifesting emotion of all — and not only does love truly conquer all — but we value relationship as one of the areas of life that deserve our attention.

Sometimes we’re afraid (of change, of commitment, of intimacy, of sharing our deepest souls and thoughts with another person)… but we can overcome that fear, if we want to.

Sometimes we just don’t know what to do (when the other person moves too fast, or too slow, or “makes us” angry, or doesn’t understand us)… but we can learn what to do, if we want to.

Relationships can be short-lived, shallow or just-for-fun. Sometimes that can be a relationship’s whole purpose in our lives. But we need to listen to our hearts about when to hold ’em, and when to fold ’em.

They are not old rags, dried out slices of bread, or pieces of garbage to be casually tossed aside like something not worth thinking about after a few days or weeks.

Marriages are also not a band-aid quick fix or magic pill to repair a relationship that’s already broken; by the time we say “I do” we should know what we’re “I do”ing to. Otherwise, maybe it’s time to say, “I don’t” and truly mean it.

Yes, relationships can often not work out in the long run, but when we commit more deeply to another person (by marrying them, or by moving in with them), we certainly do so after having the chance to get to know them intimately, understanding what makes them tick, and choosing to take that relationship to the next level.

Sometimes we outgrow a relationship — two people who may have shared values at one point discover that they no longer do — but that growth usually happens over time, with our eyes wide open, and we can choose at that point to end it or work on fixing it, depending how strong our values are that are now being compromised.

Not knowing the other person, or suddenly feeling you’re not meant to be together, is not an excuse… if you know how to ask yourself, and how to listen, you’ll know whether you’re meant to be with that person or not before you make any huge relationship blunders.

There’s one person I know who teaches how to “do relationship right” better than anybody else.

Her name is Zen DeBrucke, and not only is she doing a powerful six-part relationship tele-course with us called Relationship Magic Unwrapped, but she’ll be doing a second free pre-call with me on Tuesday, Feb. 19th.

You can sign up at no cost here… or watch my video below to see a few frequently asked questions answered about whether it might be right for you:

And if you’re looking for a heart-warming and inspiring way to share your relationship joys with others, to treasure the moments you have and to see the big-picture view of why you’re together with someone… Barry and I gave some great recommendations in yesterday’s blog post.

The last video resource is my favorite, because not only is it either free or very inexpensive, depending on the level you choose, but it’s so easy that anyone can do it.

A while back, we recommended Mind Movies as the #1 manifestation tool of 2007… and that certainly holds true, especially if you want to create something in just a few hours that you can use every day, and will take your manifestation results to the next level — even if you don’t know what to do, or what to say, or how to best choose images to make it happen.

Mind Movies is based on the concepts of visualization and affirmations, combined with your own favorite images and music to really get you jacked up and headed towards the reality you want to create.

It’s a very effective — and cost-effective — way to use tried-and-true metaphysical techniques to manifest the life of your dreams. And it walks you through everything step-by-step.

But consider this… (shhh… don’t tell Natalie and Ryan of Mind Movies what we’re about to tell you!)

If you ALREADY know what images (or even videos) you want to use in your visualization, and you ALREADY know how to use affirmations, and what affirmations you would like to see daily (that will move you towards the reality you want)… you can DO ALL THAT with the final resource that we talk about here… and it does it automatically for you, and an unbelievable price, and even allows you to create DVDs or upload to YouTube at the click of a button.

Yes, there are stock images and music selections there for you if you don’t have your own images and/or music — but yes, you can also customize as much as you like, and make transitions, audios mixes, and special effects that all happen automatically.

Pretty cool… and so easy it’s ridiculous.

And if you just want to enjoy seeing your vacations, or your pets, or your kids, or your accomplishments, or your fun times, or your romantic moments, in a cool little video/music presentation that you can watch to inspire you about the good times past, present and future — or give easily to your friends and loved ones on DVD — you’ll love it too.

Or if you want to start a fun little business creating relationship montages, or wedding montages, or graduation montages, or vacation montages, for other people… that’s a fun idea that’s also entrepreneurial.

Find out more from our blog post… or go straight to LWLMedia here.

Your Partner in the Quest For
Living a Life Without Limits,

Heather Vale


Filed under: Love & Relationship Skills, Self-Freedom / Emotional Mastery, Videos

8 Responses to “Real, Raw, and Rewarding Relationship”

  1. Wow, it was a great luck to meet with you. Life without limits is what is dreamed by us all, and the kind of relationships we have is a key to our success -that’s the happiness out of itself. Therefore I would be the happiest man to see you on my blogs. You are heartily welcomed – just click on my link and let’s your feedback starts our fellowship.

    You wrote:
    “Sometimes we’re afraid (of change, of commitment, of intimacy, of sharing our deepest souls and thoughts with another person)… but we can overcome that fear, if we want to.”

    That’s as yes, as how it to say… One of my blogs (Modus Vivendi ) is dedicated to art therapy club of people with the psychiatric disorders. The artist aren’t afraid of change, of commitment, of intimacy, of sharing their deepest souls and thoughts with another person… – while looking inside we discover the most wonderful gardens of the awesome flowers , but, unfortunately, our want to share the fragrance isn’t enough to do that. There is the tremendous abysm between our desires and the possibilities in the concrete. The kind of relationship we have sweetens the sorrowful destiny of the disabled, but cant us equip with the tools for the artwork. We joyfully share what we have with all who just want to look at us, but all we have is just our gratitude. We desperately need the support. My disability pension isn’t enough to pay the internet fees plus I need a good laptop, the CorellDraw program … what to talk about the daily bread that is costly indeed to the jobless disabled who work on voluntary basis (earn nothing except Thank You).

    Let me end with the hot plea… please help us to live with open eyes. I see one and only solution of my current problems in your generosity. Please help us in our need to live in gratitude.
    Thank you

  2. Heather,that was a great post… thanks for your wisdom and clarity!

    Hollywood stars are not the only ones who suffer from not being able to relationships and personal life stuff right! (We have a few celeb sporting stars in Australia who have stuffed their lives up big time.)

    It is not only relationships that they have problems with but it seems that many of them have problems with many aspects of their personal lives.

    Maybe because they easily do their work because they are so talented, they tend to think that everything in life is easy but as you say relationships take much work, effort and commitment… getting into them because it seems like “a cool thing to do” isn’t a solid foundation for any relationship. Especially the relationship you have with yourself.


  3. Great! Very highly inspirational and anyone can benefit from it. Thanks for sharing.

  4. How can I hear the replays of Zen’s 2 free talks ?
    Thanks !

  5. If you are ready to accept a person as he is with all his faults and behaviour thenonly then take the step of saying I DO for remember that you cannot change any person who has been made by a lot number of years. Only then do relationships last. This is to be borne by both the partners and keep working on it.At no time should you take your relationship for granted.

  6. hello
    im from the philippines. and i wanted to tell somehting about this topic relationship, just to share to what i believe the right relationship.
    if you wanted a relationship, you must first be in love truely, not the i love me which is the most common type
    of i love you.
    before getting inlove, pls. read the boble first on what is the meaning of getting in love at CORINTHIANS 23
    do your best to understand it as getting and becoming inl ove is not that easy and fast.
    i fyou are ready then get and be in love and make sure you can love all the way, to the point of loving everything even the stinkyness, or stupidity or the ugliness of whom you get to be in love with. not love blindly as you have to see all the good and bad qualities and must love them all and accept them all.
    if you can do this and most willingly take and do those,
    then your relationship would be very very successfull
    this is the so called unconditional love.
    dont expect anything in return as true love hurts most and ore than anything that can hurt you. be ready to get hurt . this is no martyrdon either. as for sure you get to be happy too. unless you get to be in love with the evil one then you can be called blindly in love or a martyr of no cause.
    many people now a days when they say i love you, what they mean is i love me. it is full of jealousy and greedyness, what they mean in saying i love you is what can you give me in return.
    i love you means that you are all giving and undestanding and forgiving.
    without those qualities any kind of relationship
    would come to ruinness and fall down. and of course ends in separation
    i hope that i have opened some eyes on this if not all.
    thank you

  7. Your favourite pharma supermarket


  8. Hello…

    I was married for 20 years and it should have last 3 days.
    Previous to marrying my ex-husband I had a long engagement to a high-school sweetheart that did not work out and so I may have still been on the re-bound. But hey…if long engagements don’t work out, why not have a short one!
    I met my (ex) husband while selling film and he kept coming back to the film and camera store to buy more film. I thought he was handsome, romantic, intelligent, unique, adventuresome and charming. Our romantic, fun fling lasted for three months of seeing each other every day. Then we went to Vegas to get married and I brought with us my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends…he brought no one…he said he had been adopted and was not in good relationship with his adopted parents.
    He asked me to marry him by saying “What would you say if I asked you to marry me?” and I said, “What would you say if I said ‘yes’?” …so off we went.
    We stayed Vegas 2 days and drove ‘home’ the third day to a tiny apartment. My parents gave us a thousand dollars and he bought a motorcycle. The first week was so intense with him that I got sick. There was no air in the tiny apartment and he shut all the windows tight and said I needed to ‘sweat it out’. When I tried to open a bedroom window he stopped me. So I put a few things in a bag and told him I was going home to my parents to get some rest and get well. As I was walking down the long stairs of our upstairs apartment I realized I had forgotten my car keys…so he threw them down at me as hard he could as if he meant to hit me. He was angry and luckily he missed.
    This went on for 20 years and only got worse. I had two daughters with this man. He never stopped abusing me and I am ‘lucky’ I got away from him. Someday I will write a book so that other women can know they are not crazy and they just need to get away from the ‘crazyness’ by whatever means they can….and…I would firstly suggest to them that they study, meditate and become strong conscious manifesters by focusing on what they WANT and not what they do not want.
    I am now happily married for almost 12 years and I consider him to be an angel. He is not without faults…but the difference is…I have married myself. We are like two peas in a pod and we both know we will spend the rest of our lives together…and even after so many years of marriage we seldom even go to the corner store without each other.
    I attribute our ‘finding’ each other to conscious manifesting.

    In the beginning…Earle and I didn’t know each other (but we did!) and yet, we were both practicing writing down on paper descriptions of our perfect mate…and we believe we were maznitized to each other. On our first ‘official’ date my ‘to be’ showed me his list of his ‘perfect mate’ that he was creating. This was on our way to the movies and I about fell through his car seat…it was an OMG experience I will never forget as I had been writing a ‘list’ on paper as well. And although our courtship was short we moved in together and lived together for two years before deciding to get married…(and we were not going to get married at all…we had not planned it…but things happened that ‘told us’ that we were to be married and so we did)
    Tthere is a book here covering a life time of un-conscious and very conscious manifesting that I feel it needs to be written for women who feel they are trapped into non-functioning and even abusive relationships. Most psychologist will tell us that we will most likely attract the same type of relationship again and again and I am here to tell women (in particular) that they do not have to buy into that life sentence and that it can be quit the total opposite.
    I will end here.
    Please forgive me but I could not find an email for you and I have something more to share with you so I am going to share it here. I think you might be interested in knowing about HUB. My husband, Earle, and I, are working with the co-founder of HUB and we believe this is a planet changing organization.
    Here is my web site:
    We are in pre-launch and there are about 1,000 high level manifestors coming together to share in making life changes.

    Thank you for reading my ‘script’.
    (there is much more that could be written here on my personal conscious manifesting…just too much to write here now). I really just wanted to open the door to further communication if there is an interest in doing so.

    Nancy Belle
    949-350-2851 cell
    [email protected]

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